Reasons why Stereos rule:

1) Much like fellow countryman Justin Bieber, they use the term ‘shawty’.  Much like fellow scrawny middle class white guy who also looks like a lesbian, they use the term ‘shawty’.

2) They use autotune to such an extent that any vocals done ‘naturally’ actually stand out.  They’ve flipped T-Pain’s world upside down.

3) How the singer with such a resoundingly punchable face can get with THAT girl in Summer Girl, the breakthrough hit if you will, blows one’s mind.

4) Doo wop.

But oh it gets better.  Yep, Throw Your Hands Up.  Lyrically astound, classic video which means fuck all. 

Yes, 4) - A SLEEVELESS HOODY.  Oh and of course 5) Jhevon Paris who even went on tour with them. 

You know how cool hip hop stars do duets with r&b divas?  That’s essentially what is happening here.  Stereos, your singer is essentially J-Lo, just repeating lines in a girly voice.  This counts as number 6)

7) He’s also a member of Fleetwood Mac it would seem, or possibly The Buggles, because that’s what Turn It Up basically sounds like Video Killed The Radio Star or Everywhere whacked in a blender with Metro Station/Hellogoodbye.

Now we need a sad song.  A ballad, but still with autotune.  YEY BUTTERFLIES.  8) ballad with autotune that’s musically identical to Summer Girl but sad.

Best band of 2010.   9) Integral to their brilliance is the singer.

 DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRPPPPP

9 reasons you need Stereos in your life.

Let’s make it an even 10 with the fact that they won a talent show on Canadian show called disBAND where you get a major label deal at the end, so it’s kinda X-Factor meets Orange Unsigned Act. 

We get Jedward, they get Stereos.  Another reason I want to move to Canada.

Not posted any crabcore for a while, but this slice of phenomnomnomnom was brought to my attention.  There’s nothing particularly out of the ordinary in For All Those Sleeping’s ‘I’m Not Dead Yet’, well nothing extraordinary in the field of crabcore….except…they’re in a field.  This is awesome because it reminds of of Whitmore’s Alison video, at 2:54, and how masterful I found that.

The low budget crappiness of it all only makes me love it more.  There’s not even a vague story, just some haircut dudes going at it in a field, all uniformed in V necks.  Well, bar the drummer who is about 10 years their senior and obviously should be everyone’s favourite.  Blates just some jaded old metal dude sick of his day job and wanting to the admiration of 15 year old girls, and they were desperate for someone to drum - given all V neck haircuts want to get their crab on and you do that by singing or playing guitar/bass..not drums.  I sort of hope they make it big just so he gets paid.

Also big shout out to the limp wristed singer

…and the white V neck for initiating the jogging on the spot and the floorpunch at 2:02.  Problem is, from then on it’s EXACTLY like Attack Attack’s Stick Stickly.  Same breakdown, same crabbing.  All that’s missing is the euro-trance.  That ultimately lets it down.  But they’re still young, there’s definite potential.  Plus apparently Attack Attack are a totally different band now (they even have a new album out) so perhaps these guys could be the ones to take their crown…

Because that’s what it is - looks like Motley Crue, sounds like an even lamer version of Metro Station.   Some of you may have picked up that this blog is essentially a worse version of Stuff You Will Hate which is cool.  I did start this before I read it, but it was there first and is brilliant.  And it’s them I have to thank for possibly my favourite douchXcore act Romance On a Rocketship

Possibly the funniest thing about it was the blog described it as ‘dude draws a Simba lion and daydreams about being straight’ which, in to be fair, could well be spot on.   One thing that they did miss out on was it’s worryingly like Britney Spears’ Baby One More Time, albeit a bit less edgy.  That’s right, Britney Spears’ debut single is more edgy.

But there really is more to it.  The fact that he loves the girl for her ‘long, long hair’ when his is about three times as long, the fact that he has a full backing band despite the fact that you cannot hear a single guitar, nay INSTRUMENT - the whole thing sounds like a nursery rhyme played on a fisher price keyboard, but obz with the obligatory autotuned vocals.  The fact that the pretty girl, when confronted by a hungry lion, doesn’t think ‘let’s get the fuck out of here’….no, she follows it, knowing that’s clearly a smart idea…  Well it depends, getting eaten by a lion is probably a less torturous ideal than having to get with a dude who has A FUCKING BABY LION ON THE BACK OF HIS LEATHER JACKET.

I hope to hear more from ROAR.  AHhhhhhhh, I see what he did there

This video is the inspiration for Musicisdead…but I wanted to save it for a rainy day knowing that very little will be able to compete with its brilliance.  But then obstacles stuck when the band discovered that basically they became THE laughing stock of the whole internet.  Tv shows did features on them, music forums like B9 became obsessed….and THEY ACTUALLY REMOVED THE VIDEOS FROM YOUTUBE CLAIMING IT WAS A COPYRIGHT BREACH.  Thus, dust needed to settle.  People needed to recover their breath.  And I needed to be arsed enough to find a video that’s not been removed.  It probably will be by the time youu read this but fuck it,   Ladies & gentlemen, I present to you FINAL PLACEMENT’S ‘Shine’

I don’t really need to explain why this is so amazing but a bit of background knowledge - they are a Christian Rock band who intend to make it big.  Not that there’s anything wrong at all with Christian Rock bands, but for some reason this just makes it a bit funnier.  It does sort of explain the lyrics a bit though.

But come on - the first chorus with the multiple camera angles, the can-can at 01:11, the random shot of the hotel FOLLOWED BY A TRAIN WHEN HE SINGS THE WORDS ‘THE TRAIN IS RUNNING OFF THE TRACKS’, the lift,  THE FUCKING LEAD GUITARIST AND HIS SOLO!!!!11111  It’s all gold.  In fact, the lead guitarist went on and posted in his defense…by completely removing himself from the band and claiming he was a session musician helping them out.

What’s even better is after this, some equally hilarious videos in tribute have surfaced, including a never ending guitar solo…

and some amazing covers by dudes taking the piss (one looks alarmingly like Travis McCoy)

 Final Placement - I applaud you.  I even saw some mock design t shirts of them jumping with the words OUR LIFE, OUR TIME in classic 90s hardcore font.  I need to post it again for more appreesh.

No, I’m not joking.  I’m sat here in my sweatpants as we speak in the ultimate comfort whilst posting this hereby blog.  I was recommented Cunthead 777 by various peeps for the song Ventil, but the problem is I actually quite enjoy it. 

There are some absolute moments of genuis, particularly of the dude in green m 2 stepping, spin kicking and windmilling to his own song.  He is my favourite because when he’s not doing that he is trying to do typical rap video moves, so he’s clearly a dude.  The big blonde dude does sound like a gorilla and when he flexes the guns at 00:58 it’s gold.  The other one is basically a mix of someone in TRC and Blazin Squad.

But ultimately this silliness, combined with the complete unnecessity (is that a word) of 3 different vocalists doing pretty much the same thing, one slightly gruffer and the others less gruff, and the fact that they wear sweatpants, thus making them brothers….is very endearing and actually makes me really like them over all the other bog standard tough rude boy hardcore that you get from the streets of Essex.  So this is a genuine one of appreesh and not even ironically (well, kind of ironically I guess).

This is a delicate one really.  On the one hand, Facecast could be hysterical.  What’s not to love about a ridiculously fat bloke waddling around grunting?  Lovely stuff.  Except…the song is called ‘wifebeater‘…and yes, the song is about beating up your wife and is actually genuinely upsetting and disturbing…. 

If it was literally just a fat bloke grunting about nothing, it would be great…. but there are actual scenes of violence in the video done in a manner where you cannot tell if it’s some really fucked up form of irony… 

Lyrics such as ‘scrub the floor you worthless bitch’ and ‘do the fucking dishes and shut your mouth’ are sort of funny in a ‘you’re actually singing this??’ sort of way…  but gain when you’re witnessing him lay the smackdown it’s pretty fucked up.  That cannot be real.  But why  agree to take a part in this video???  A quick check of the band’s Myspace lists them as hardcore/comedy/metal….but jeez, REALLY?  And how the fuck have they played with Integrity????!

Mind is blown. 

Okay so you can see the video and you’re thinking either it had to happen eventually or I’m picking on an easy target by posting about Millionaires.  But this is actually going against the spirit of Music Is Dead and posting in genuine appreciation!  See, they attract far more negativity than any other band I have encountered on this blog or anywhere in fact and I cannot understand it, but they do.  When they played Slam Dunk festival and got a fuckload of abuse from the punters, bottles thrown, boos - all sorts of stuff.

Slam Dunk…a club in which the majority of its fanbase champion You Me at Six, All Time Low, Boys Like Girls, and Cute Is What We Aim For among others as credible rock bands we’re supposed to take seriously.  Now, Slam Dunk is brilliant, the organisers are completely on the ball and I have had some fantastic laughs there and they have supported some genuinely good bands, so that isn’t a dig at them…. I just fail to see how kids who give bands like The Blackout all the credibility in the World can suddenly think Millionaires are committing crimes against music.  They’re EXACTLY THE SAME FUCKING THING - bad pop music marketed at naive teenagers who like wearing crazy brightly coloured V neck t shirts from Babycakes or Drop Dead or whatever.  Except Millionaires are in on the joke and at no point pretend you’re supposed to take them in the slightest bit seriously.  And I can’t think of anything more fun than pissing off people who listen to Kids In Glass Houses or Forever The Sickest Kids

As a result, I don’t regret joining in the topless stage invasion with other dudes in on the joke, including similarly cynical old farts and genuinely brilliant bands like Fireworks, New Found Glory and Hit The Lights.   Great times.

And the one on the left at the beginning…come on, we all would…

And then, just as things were looking bleak Black Veil Brides come on with ‘Knives & Pens’ and provide the finest video possible!!!  There’s too much brilliance to write in one post, so let’s have the video and then I’ll pick out the best bits…

- sunglasses indoors from the drummer.  King.

- 00:28  -classic rock frontman pose from a skinny 12 year old nobody has ever heard of

- instantly you think ‘Ah, it’s Aiden’.  It’s not Aiden.   It’s a band EXACTLY like them.  We are blessed with TWO AIDENS!!!

- They are blessed with a guitarist who seemingly has the talent to play TWO GUITARS AND A BASS GUITAR all at once!  1 man, 3 instruments played simultaneously.  Are they even going to attempt to explain this?!!  Please don’t.  For the love of God please don’t, it’s too good.

- The frequent costume changes - all white, all black, all black with gorey print t shirts.  Don’t understand the blood at the end though

- The singer’s attempts to sound like a mix of James Hetfield and Scott Stapp

- THE FUCKING AIR GUITAR FROM THE SINGER AT 4:13!!!!  INCREDIBLE

- Do they actually reach a conclusion at the end?  I was expecting the emo kid to bring the beatdowns to the jock…let down

- The song is called Knives and Pen(i)s.   He he he he he he

Eighteen Visions were so lame.  At least Atreyu and Avenged Sevenfold were funny and actually had a bit of musicianship about them.  You also kinda got the feeling they were taking the piss a bit and raking in the dollar because of it.  But this band lacked any of that charm.

‘Waiting For The Heavens’ summed it all up - braindead detuned 2 chords over and over, some of the most abysmal screams I’ve heard in my life and lyrics of ‘I don’t want to live today when all I feel is pain’ as well as ‘you don’t know what it’s like and I don’t think you even care’.  Diddums.

But why post this video?  What’s actually funny about it?  Erm, well the singer is wearing a blazer…with nothing on underneath it.  And a tie.  Again, remember there’s no shirt and collar.  He’s topless, with a blazer and tie.  That’s all you need folks.

Ignore the fact that Framing Hanley’s video for ‘Lollipop’ is indeed another example of a scene band pointlessly making a video for a cover a totally different genre (song originally by Lil Wayne) and there’s still plenty of gold.  In fact ignore the ridiculous name, watch the video and the wtf-o-meter goes into overdrive.

To be brutally honest, I’m just left hugely disappointed by the fact that the quite hysterical OC/The Hills-esque teen drama of rich kids partying down is ruined by a fucking shit song.   The whole ‘singer from Simple Plan’ (google image search) playing strip poker with his other bro and the shy nerdy dude chatting up the inexplicably hot girl is gripping stuff.  I do love that they genuinely believe their house party would be rammed with supermodels though.  ‘shall we party with some cute Hollywood Actors, rich sports players or some dodgy faux-screamo band’?  Tough choice.  Oh and the main girl explains the term ‘monotonous’ to us.  We’re learning as well as getting out br00tz on. 

But seriously, WHY THE FUCKING FUCK IS THERE A 2 AND A HALF MINUTE DRAMA PLOT PREDECING AN UTTERLY POINTLESS SONG????  WHAT IS THE POINT?  Do they feel they need to explain the premise of a house party video to us, as if it’s never been done before?  Just whack the strip poker and boy-talking-to-girl bit within the song!

It really is insane.  It almost made me completely overlook the brilliant robot/autotune bit at 2:24 courtesy of old Pierre from Simple Plan again, and the fact that the singer’s microphone hangs magically from the air.  Use a normal microphone you prick.  Makes the spectacular cock block from everyone jumping in the pool at the end that bit more satisfying.  Though I sorta wish they could have stayed inside, and added another minute of teen-drama at the end…y’know, as she was just about to remove her bra.